He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
