Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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