Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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