Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
