I'm really into asian looking animals
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
