can u get pink eye on your cock?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
