I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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