turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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