If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
