is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
