Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
