Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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