Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my being single is dangerous.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
