It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
