I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
