you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't turn off my feet"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
