Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
