I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
