Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
