I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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