my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Two words: nipple clamps
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