your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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