are you still at the devil's house?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
