I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
