How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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