1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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