So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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