Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
