I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
