so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
youre lurking in front of me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
