So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
