in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
