you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
