We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
