I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
