drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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