You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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