"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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