there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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