census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
