I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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