Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
