can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
