I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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