after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
