we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
