she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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