Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
