drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
