I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
